


Lance - Why am I Still Here?

by StarENyte (orphan_account)



Series: Dear Diary: The End [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Altean Lance (Voltron), Bilingual Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Crying Keith (Voltron), Crying Lance (Voltron), Drugged Lance, F/M, Galra Keith (Voltron), Galtean, Homesick Lance (Voltron), Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Hurt Shiro (Voltron), Injured Lance (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Dies, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Dies, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance Replaced, M/M, Protective Shiro (Voltron), Shiro Hurts Lance, Sick Lance (Voltron), Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Suicidal Keith (Voltron), Suicidal Lance (Voltron), Whump (Voltron), drowning lance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:13:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24060382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/StarENyte
Summary: We've all done journaling at one point. Maybe it was for school, maybe it was because you were bored. Maybe you just needed to pour your thoughts out.This is the story of the Paladins, told from their point of view.
Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Allura & Lance (Voltron), Allura/Lotor (Voltron), Allura/Shiro (Voltron), Hunk & Lance (Voltron), Keith & Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron), Lance & Shiro (Voltron), Lance/Pidge | Katie Holt
Series: Dear Diary: The End [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1735786
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	Lance - Why am I Still Here?

**Author's Note:**

> Some scenarios are made up, and some are from other episodes- anywho, enjoy! (If it's from an episode I'll tell y'all which one :D)

At 12:21 PM:

Dear Diary,

I don't even know why I'm doing this. Allura was all, "Paladins! Blah blah blah I have sexy white hair! Write in this journal!"

Honestly, I don't even know why I agreed. I don't even get it- what the heck is the point of doing this? Why are we all just writing stuff for no reason? I mean, Shiro seemed kind of down with it. I don't even know who in their right mind would agree- but maybe I should try getting used to this, right? I mean everything happens for a reason- that's what my _mam á _told me, at least.

I miss her. And my family, too.

What's the point of being in Voltron, anyway?

What's the point of _me_ being in Voltron?

Oh, right. The comic relief. The one who makes everyone distracted and annoyed.

The small little penny in a briefcase of 100 dollar bills.

Why do we even have to write this? Gosh, these are making my thoughts _negative._ I can't be negative, I can't. I don't even know who I'd be if I was negative- I have to smile, I have to train, I have to be funny, I have to joke around.

No, not a have to- I _need_ to. My team needs me.

But for what?

I know, I know. They need an arm. I need to be in Voltron.

But it's so much easier to just replace me.

Because if they replace me, then everything will fall back into order! No more waiting for your ol' pal Lance to get ready. No more groaning at his flirting, no more fights being lost.

Because I lost them all.

Why? I'm a flirt, I'm a pain in the ass, and I don't have anything to offer.

I'm that little baby, that homesick little boy whose color matches his personality perfectly.

_ Blue. _

I don't even remember the last time I laughed. Gosh, I'm being so overdramatic- heck, I'd rather bottle up all my feelings than having to tell everyone how much of a mistake I-

** \------ **

"Lance," Keith called elbowing him on the side. 

Lance jerked back at the sudden touch and carefully snuck his pen in his jacket pocket.

"Come on, it's time for-" He paused to look down at what Lance was doing. "Wait, are you actually writing in the assignment that Allura gave? Why-"

"Leave me alone," Lance said in a low voice, shutting his diary, making sure that no one saw what he was doing. Once he knew his journal was secure, he stopped and tried to leave. Lance flushed, now beginning to tie his jacket around his waist and approaching his room.

"Lance, I'm not mad, I'm-"

Keith heard Lance mutter something that sounded a lot like the lines of, "stobbeinsofreainghot." Lance was mumbling again- Keith examined that over the past few days he had been mumbling, muttering, whatever 'inging' thing people did. 

Did he do something wrong? Was he too hard on Lance? "Do... you want to talk about something-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever lone wolf. Go train or something." Lance snapped.

Keith tried to hide the pained expression in his face of being shrugged off again, but he nodded anyway. "Sure."

** \------ **

DEAR DIARY,

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?! Is it MY fault that Keith looks so damn handsome every day? How am I even supposed to react to that? What am I supposed to do when he _elbows_ me? What if we do something that leads to even _more_ than just elbowing? 

Ha, at least that gives me a few perks of being bisexual right? I wonder what Veronica would say- she'd be all, "Oh yeah, goodbi."  


I still keep my sense of humor, don't I?

I don't know how to act around Keith. It's like I have some sort of... _disease._ My tongue gets all caught up in my words and if I want to say something, my muscle memory just kicks in! So I either flirt or I say something... annoying, or weird.

_ I am weird. _

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. 

Keith is so amazing, really. I'm laughing to myself while writing this- the chances he'll ever even notice anything I do would be a shock. The way his eyebrows furrow whenever he's confused, or how he always wipes the sweat off his forehead in such a _hot_ way. It's like he doesn't even know that he's hot-

headed.

Well, yeah, maybe he's hot-headed. Maybe he doesn't think before he speaks. Maybe he always pushes people away. But that doesn't mean he's incapable of change. I know that somewhere inside him is that small little spirit who once laughed at the name "Bob" or... or something. 

I remember, _mamá_ also used to say, "The people who are the hardest to respect are the ones who need it the most, _mijo."_

And it seems to me that Keith needed the most respect. I don't know what's with him all the time though- all I know that he does is either train, yell at people, or go save the world... or whatever.

Keith doesn't really seem to do stuff, though.

Wait, now that I think of it, he never does!

Well, he trains and stuff, I know that. 

But he doesn't get involved much in anything- is that because of me?

No, no. Probably not.

The last time I remember him laughing was when we had the food fight- and the most he's ever shown emotion was when...

_ No, don't remember, didn't happen. _

Yeah, no. Yeah. I don't remember, I don't remember, I...

_ I miss that old Keith. _

But ever since he's joined the Blade, or got involved with them, he's been so... distant, you know? I really miss the _old_ him. I know that people can change over time, and they begin to mature... but Keith? No, something is _wrong_ with him.

What was it that he learned while he was at the blade?

And I thought that I could do something to change it.

It was always, "Lance, what are you doing?" "Lance, stop!" "Lance, why do you keep messing up?" "Lance this," "Lance that."

So why is it that I'M such a freak? I just... I want to go home.

I want to go back to the beach, and have my mom's cooking again, and celebrate birthdays, and...

Did someone's birthday already pass?

I'm a mistake, there I said it.

I was a mistake to my family

I was a failure to the Galaxy Garrison.

Heck, I was a replacement for Keith.

I was a freak to the kids at school because I couldn't learn English.

I had to pretend to be someone that I wasn't.

Hell with it, I _am pretending_ to be someone that I'm not right now.

And I'm just the goofball to Voltron.

We're only here because I failed?

What would it be like if I never chose to sneak out of the Galaxy Garrison? Would I still be home? 

Would I be at home right now, wrapped around in...

Dammit, I have to go. The ink in my pen is...

the paper on this is wet. I... I have to go.

_ Sincerely, your one and only friend, _

_ Me. _

**Author's Note:**

> (Sincerely,  
> Me.)  
> *mumbles quietly: Dear Evan Hansen..."


End file.
